February 2012
1 post
3 tags
"My thoughts are stars I can't fathom into...
this is where i am lately
and it is unsettling.
January 2012
1 post
13 tags
Drunken Adventures That Aren't Mine (part I)
A cramped dance club hazed with smoke/floorboards that creak under the weight of a few hundred strangers and their expectations: pregnant with promise/
the floor: slippery with the glistening insecurities of those few hundred strangers, chased out of minuscule pores and ducts by the liquid courage that permeates the air with echoes of uncertainty and the stench of regrets more coherent than the...
December 2011
2 posts
22 tags
sometimes i feel as though my volumes of bukowski...
I guess it’s because I’ve carried each one of them around at different times in my life over the last few years, that the stuff I’ve tucked inside of them can say more about me than I can say about myself because they’re more objective than the words I bleed into my notebooks.
Junior year of highschool I carried my notebooks in piles on my arm because I was too stupid to...
20 tags
So last night after spending almost fourteen...
and after I continuously inhaled toxic oil paint fumes, glue, clouds of charcoal dust and so on, I finally got to bed around 3:00 am.
It was there that I had a dream about the future. I was watching it like a movie, so I didn’t play a role in this dream. Noam Chomsky was depressed, destitute, heavily bearded and ignored. nobody knew his name. He was a walking Jekyll/Hyde of cynicism and...
November 2011
5 posts
8 tags
confessions of a notebook fiend
There’s something seductive about the blank page. It’s more than just the crisp wink it gives me as my pen hovers over the page, hesitating to make the first mark. It’s this beauty of the naked page. It is exposed and vulnerable, it has no one else but me. There’s this intimacy that comes with the comfort of knowing that I am facing it the same way. Exposed, vulnerable, and...
17 tags
10/11/11: Let the raveled unravel. (thoughts...
What if God wasn’t God? What if God was just this giant Hug that waited for you after your life ended and you were finished putting up with everything you had to put up with(, and some things that you didn’t have to put up with)? What if he worked through people that hugged back extra tight, so he allowed them to call themselves Prophets because his one goal was to get everyone up to...
10 tags
Have you ever woken up from a nap that you shouldn’t have taken in the first place
but for every other reason, needed to have
and found that the world was a different place than it was before you fell asleep?
It’s like something happened way down inside of you while you were sleeping that was interrupted when you woke up and you’re still unconsciously seeing the rest of the...
6 tags
a lot of people make bad decisions on thursday...
I stew for hours in silent anger by myself as I try to go about my day, but eventually the night beckons my thoughts and I out for a walk and I get drunk with emotion
so then I try to sober up by watching five episodes of The New Girl and hugging to Celine Diawful with a couple of my best friends under the Christmas lights strung on our wall
but it doesn’t totally sober me up and before I...
6 tags
i guess when you’ve been writing the same journal entries
with varying feelings, but the same scenarios
in the same type of notebooks
about the same person
for most of your young adult life
you should probably stop criticizing nicholas sparks
he chases tired cliches until they are dead upon his page
you’re chasing a muse that got sick of living on your page but not in your...
October 2011
8 posts
9 tags
I’m surprisingly chipper on a day that I...
“You write your first draft with your heart and you re-write with your head. The...”
– Sean Connery (via booksandnerds)
3 tags
Oh geez
Do you ever get sick of yourself?
Not in a depressing, melancholic, “boo-hoo-my-life-sucks why does no one GET ME? WHY AM I NEVER ENOUGH?” kind of way, but in the way that
that is all that your Insides are screaming. That is the gist of what all of your Insides are screaming in unified cacophony because they’re sick of being pulled to the surface that they can’t stand...
13 tags
I'm supposed to be doing homework
what else is new?
I’m always supposed to be doing homework
I’m always supposed to be thinking about the things my syllabi tells me to think about and
don’t get me wrong. I enjoy doing that. I recognize and relish in the value of grabbing at the information floating around in the nebula that is human consciousness. But sometimes,
sometimes I can’t concentrate on it.
It...
5 tags
I’m listening to this music that reminds me of you and this is a letter for you even though you’ll never read it
you’re driving me crazy.
i have a headache and it’s put me in a frenzy
i want to create to create to create to create to create to create to create
something
ripping out random pieces of cardboard
tacking them to the wall and then
taking them down
endless...
3 tags
14 tags
There's some Helga Pataki analysis going down on...
I can’t contain my contribution to 500 characters in an Ask Box, so onto my blog it goes.
I’ve been reading that people think that Helga’s story-lines seemed to always center around her infatuation with Arnold. I disagree with that, because personally, I think that Hey Arnold! covered deeper issues in Helga’s life than her unrequited love for Arnold.
Helga came from a...
17 tags
September 2011
2 posts
4 tags
You ever want to punch someone in the face because...
my feelings are too poetic to handle right meow.
10 tags
I'm wondering how many trails of inspiration I can...
while disregarding the things I really need to be doing (like this Psychology homework) and telling myself that any time I spend writing the ideas out of me is time well spent. Time not wasted. Time toward thinking instead of going through motions.
We were talking about moral dilemmas in my philosophy class today. Would this be a case of it? Is cognitive energy toward ideas bigger than myself...
August 2011
6 posts
24 tags
why i can't help but hope.
She sat in her usual chair under her usual tree in her now unusual yard. Well, I guess it was unusual to her. To any friends that came for their fix of that strong, muddy coffee and, unbeknownst to her, the infectious smile on her face that made the nearest insides with a pair of nourishing eyes stir with warmth, nothing seemed wrong. The nourishing eyes of visitors see what they need to see to...
30 tags
30 tags
“Some things are hard to write about. After...
That has been my problem when it came to sitting down to complete this reflection about my time in Lebanon the whole way through. I would write away until the energy that was draining from my hands built a full five story structure of words on the page before me. But when I went back to read it, I would chip a bit off here, hack a chunk off there, knock a wall down over there while...
6 tags
One time, I met this guy on an airplane who had a really friendly smile. The kind of smile that isn’t big enough to be creepy and isn’t small enough to be fake. It made his cheeks reach his eyes and indented his face in all the right places. As we spoke, he laughed with me, at me, for me, and sheepishly when I tried to return the favor. And when the smile disappeared, I knew I...
5 tags
The sound of no feet on the ground The sound of paint already dry on the wall The sound of a long, winding hall in a dilapidatedly abandoned building ...
7 tags
2:36 am and we’re on the roof staring out at Beirut
Michelle is leaning against an awning
Chris is cross-legged in front of a plant
and Noelle’s cigarette is dangling from her hand,
the ember at the end of stick glowing then fading
and gently back again
(like my paranoia)
The ever-present breeze stirs us up another round of goosebumps,
on the house.
well,
on the roof.
The night has a...
July 2011
1 post
8 tags
3:16 and one half
here I’m supposed to be a great poet and I’m sleepy in the afternoon here I am aware of death like a giant bull charging at me and I’m sleepy in the afternoon here I’m aware of wars and men fighting in the ring and I’m aware of good food and wine and good women and I’m sleepy in the afternoon I’m aware of a woman’s love and I’m sleepy in the...
June 2011
6 posts
19 tags
11 tags
Dear My American Peers
Let’s all move to Europe, get citizenship, a free-ish education and leave this country before debt swallows us alive and we become part of the machine that you can’t even destroy from the inside.
I don’t feel like being optimistic anymore. How are we supposed to try to make any sort of difference or decrease the suckage in the world, when we’re buried in all this...
6 tags
4 tags
I wonder if Kurt Vonnegut and Dr. Kevorkian are up...
This is Jess, signing off to go to bed at an unreasonable hour. Until the next time, ta ta.
4 tags
I am no longer watching award shows that open...
Looking at you, MTV movie awards.
1 tag
“When adults say, “Teenagers think they are invincible” with that sly, stupid...”
– John Green (via aepocrypha)
May 2011
7 posts
I just want to hug you for a really long time and...
1 tag
I like watching the rain fall as heavily as it is...
it’s the type of rainfall that gives nature an emotion that we don’t always get to see, if that makes sense. It won’t let us wallow in its presence simply because it is present, like we usually do. It is fed up with us always making it the scapegoat to our crummy days. So Rainfall festers for a week while we continually groan at the clouds, hug ourselves closer from the chill in...
4 tags
6. Your views on mainstream music.
I don’t care for it because I’m very into the music that I like. But I mean, some of it isn’t bad. However, I find the overall quality of the mainstream music pretty vapid, or trite and cliche. I’ve come to realize that it’s silly to panic over how these artists may destroy the future of music, or something equally as melodramatic. They won’t really last. What...
4 tags
I just watched Funny People.
The title was misleading, but I’m glad the movie turned out to be different than I thought it would be. I should just not watch anything with Seth Rogen in it because it makes me sad that I don’t have my own Seth Rogen. Something about comedians, man.
On that note: Someone find me a Seth Rogen of my own. Actually, someone teach me how to talk to boys.
6 tags
day 4: your views on your religion
I don’t really advertise it to the world, but I do believe in God. Doing so is a struggle though, and anyone that says otherwise is either really comfortable in their faith, or kidding themselves.
The question I always come back to is whether I really believe in God, or if the God I believe in is one that the humanist in me has fashioned. I’m aware of the probable irony in a religious...
6 tags
“I went down by a different staircase, and I saw another “Fuck you”...”
– Holden Caulfield, Catcher In The Rye
day 3: a book you love
3 tags
2. Something you feel strongly about
I guess as of late, it would be the public’s reaction to Osama’s death. I don’t think I need to be all that politically saavy to have the right to feel a bit disturbed by the people who are basically getting off to the news.
When I heard he died, I was eating a chicken wrap from McDonalds. I cracked a joke about how he finally lost his game of hide and seek. I felt like he had...
April 2011
6 posts
6 tags
I miss when All Time Low was all about unashamed emotion, intelligent lyrics, and the kind of music that could lift a heavy heart or keep it from sinking lower in the middle of the night when the rest of the world has fallen asleep but you just can’t. I don’t mean to sound like some sort of elitist when I say this, but I can’t help but feel this way the past couple of years...
1 tag
This is what the inside of my head sounds like...
4 tags
“If you are a student you should always get a good nights sleep unless you have...”
– Lemony Snicket (via anastasiabooks)
27 tags
9 tags
“Do I dare
Disturb the Universe?”
– T.S. Eliot The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock
You know when you’re reading a poem and it’s really hitting you and you know how and why and what it’s saying because it’s saying it to you and you’re not second-guessing because it doesn’t really matter what anyone...
17 tags
waxing poetic
I feel like I haven’t done my part to contribute to the unofficial genre of Poetry most often written in the corners of cafes and the like. You know, the type of cafes that stereotypes tell you that you can stumble upon in France near the Eiffel Tower, in the off-the-path alleys of New York City, or the free-trade-hole-in-the-wall places that dot your average college-towns, USA.
And a...
March 2011
13 posts
11 tags
2 tags
perpetuallyfucked asked: why you so awesome?
5 tags
I always thought Senioritis was a cop-out.
But I think I’m coming down with a case of it, myself. How annoyingly annoying and lame. Stacked haphazardly to my left is everything I should be doing while on my right rests everything I’d rather be doing. For once, I’m not waxing poetic— All my art assignments, scholarship applications, math homework and a sad attempt at analyzing John Donne’s Air and Angels is on...
I really can't picture anyone having a crush on...
I can’t picture someone thinking about me before they fall asleep, or telling their friends about me. I can’t picture anyone getting butterflies because I said hi to them, or even just looked at them. I can’t picture someone smiling at the computer screen or their cell phones when we’re talking.
Why would they? I’m just me
I’ve always thought this. Not in a...